I'm a big believer that you need to know yourself and live your truth. Those simple things will help in every area of life. I also love to know and understand the nature and personality of other people, especially our children! It helps to ease stress in the home and makes raising them easier when we know what makes them tick, what motivates them, what they need and how to help them thrive. They feel validated and loved for who they truly are and learn that they don't need to change themselves in order to please others or to be loved. I talk about all of those things and more in this third episode of The Merry Messy Moms Show!
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Links Mentioned in This Episode
- DISC personality test
- Carol Tuttle's Live Your Truth program
- It's Just My Nature by Carol Tuttle
- The Child Whisperer by Carol Tuttle
- Dani Johnson's First Steps to Success conference
- Dani Johnson's GEMS Personality Profiling system
- Myer's Brigg's Personality Test
- Full Spectrum of Success book by Jacob Adamo
- Podcast hub page
- My Merry Messy Life on Instagram
- My Merry Messy Life on Facebook
- Join my podcast email list to get updates when new shows air!
To Know Yourself is the beginning of all wisdom. – Socrates
To know yourself as the being behind the thinker, the stillness underneath the mental noise, the love and joy underneath the pain is freedom, salvation, enlightenment. – Eckhart Tolle
I've been a personality profiling junkie for at least 20 years! I remember the first test I took in fifth grade, and I remember thinking how fun it was to learn about myself. I was the color orange, whatever that meant!
And I studied another program in high school – The DISC program. It gave me so much more understanding of my nature and helped me to understand my parents and siblings. And then again after college doing the Myer's Brigg's test while I interviewed for jobs. More knowledge, less shame, more personal freedom.
Then again as a young mom when I started a business with Young Living Essential Oils. I did the Full Spectrum of Success test and read that book – more helpful advice and understanding. It then culminated with Dani Johnson's First Steps to Success seminar where I really, really started to GET it. The lights came ON and I spent that weekend releasing loads of shame I had heaped upon myself over the years. Finally understanding why I do what I do and to really get that I'm not messed up, I'm not broken. It's just simply the way I'm designed to be!
I Now Understand what I Need as a Mom
I understand myself so much better so I'm able to say no when I need to and organize my day to give myself the most support so I can be a much better mom for them. For instance, even though I'm an extroverted extrovert, I do need an hour or so at the end of every day all by myself. I don't even want to talk to my husband! I go to my bathroom, take a long bath with Epsom salts and essential oils and veg out to a favorite TV show or YouTube video on my iPad. Like sometimes it's an inspirational video and sometimes it's just pure entertainment. Whatever I need that night, it just depends that's what people mean when they say live your truth.
I come out refreshed, renewed, and relaxed and can then hang out with my husband. I know that I don't like to have much scheduled because it makes me feel trapped, stressed. I like spontaneity and the ability to be flexible with my day. So I keep my schedule light and that helps me to be a happier mom!
I Knew Early On that Our Oldest Son Loved to Know Plans Ahead of Time
I remember when our first child was born, Gabriel, in 2009. I figured out (thank goodness) early on that he needed to be prepared before we left the house and did activities. I had to tell him what our plans were for hours, sometimes days ahead of time. Otherwise he'd have a giant meltdown if we left the house in a rush or he was unprepared!
Our Second Son was a Mystery to Us
But our second son, Grayson, was much more of a mystery for many years. I couldn't figure out his nature for the life of me! He wanted so much to be like his older brother that it was hard for me to pinpoint. And we got to a point when he was 4 that we were really, really struggling. He was having huge meltdowns many times a week and it broke my heart as a mom because I was upset that I didn't know my own son and didn't know how to help him or what he needed. We didn't know how to handle it and ended up punishing him in an effort to teach him not to act that way.
But once I delved deeper into personality studies and found Carol Tuttle's, free Live Your Truth course, and joined her Lifestyle Membership (which I highly recommend!), the lights went on and I felt like I finally understood Grayson! It was amazing! I finally got that he has a nature that is a lower energy than mine. Our household is very high energy (with 4 kids and both me and my husband are energetic with Type 3 in us) and the stimulation was probably the cause of his meltdowns. He needed quiet time to connect with just me or his dad, he needed to be heard above the noise but as a soft spoken child, it was hard to hear him and that caused a lot of frustration for him.
I was able to understand him and support his true nature
So I became very intentional about making sure I listened when he talked. He likes to be given permission to talk, so I began asking him questions to include him in family conversations. I figured that his nature is to serve, and he is very loving and affectionate. All of this was difficult for me before to see as I had a lack of understanding of his nature and could only see the awful meltdowns! So I started to give him more opportunities to be a big brother and help me with his younger siblings. He LOVED that and it made it him feel very special and important.
We also figured out that his meltdowns often weren't because he was mad at us – he is actually really hard on himself and would freak out if he couldn't do something the first time, like learn to tie his shoes, or put on his own clothes, or play with a toy the right way. He'd get so mad at himself! Knowing that helped SO much and I was then able to help guide him through by encouraging him and teaching him some positive affirmations.
My son's behavior changed drastically when I began to understand him!
You guys, you would not even believe the difference in his behavior. I went from feeling like a failure as a mom, ready to take all of us to a family counselor (not that that's a bad idea, of course!) and feeling very exasperated and wondering how I'm ever going to get along with my boy, to watching him come alive! His true nature was finally understood and appreciated. He began to blossom, and I know just feel so close to him because I GET him. He's no longer a mystery. He's my precious, sweet, affectionate boy and I feel empowered as his mom because I know how to help support him in our household so he can get what he needs.
The same goes for my two youngest kids. I was able to understand them much sooner than my first two, and raising them has been easier thus far because of it. They are more like me and like to get out of the house and go do things, and they love playing with other kids, and are very social.
So I highly recommend Carol Tuttle's Live Your Truth program – it's a totally FREE course that you can find at liveyourtruth.com. I'm currently reading her book, The Child Whisperer, and she has a really good podcast by the same name I enjoy listening to. I'll have all of those links in the show notes below and on the blog.