Why Your Opinion Of You is the Only One That Matters – Affirmations for Moms
When we become mothers, people come out of the woodwork to offer their opinions and sometimes tell us their worst parenting stories. Add to that the pressures that society and our cultures put on mothers and it can be overwhelming, but knowing that your opinion of you is the only one that matters can help you stand strong and trust in your own parenting instincts and abilities first.
Affirmations Can Be Powerful
Before we go any further, make sure you check out my post Affirmations for Moms to learn why affirmations work and how to use them effectively. I dramatically changed the way I think, and therefore, my attitudes, emotions, mental and spiritual health when I started using affirmations in 2014. I can look back now and see how much I lived in fear and in stress before I began to change the way I think.
The affirmation we are going to use is:
I am knowing that the only opinion that matters is my own.
Say the Affirmation Aloud
So when you feel lonely, it can feel really silly to say that affirmation outloud because it’s not currently true in your own life. You might think, “it’s not easy at all for me to make friends! I’m shy!” But this is the key with affirmations – we use them to rewire our brains and change our habitual thoughts so we can begin to believe in what’s possible and what COULD be true.
If you focus only on where you are now, you can’t move forward. Essentially, that’s wallowing, throwing yourself a pity party. And believe me, I’ve thrown myself many a pity party! But I’ve learned how they get me NO WHERE in the end. We go where we are looking – so look at what you want to be true!
How to Use the Affirmation
Print it out from my printable set here on Etsy, or write/type it on a piece of paper and tape it up in the spots around your house and in your car where you will see it daily! This keeps the truth before you – reminding you of what’s possible and what could be true for you. It then activates your brain, or motivates your brain, to come up with a plan to make it happen. You’ll find you’ll get creative ideas to make that affirmation come true!
People Love to Give Unsolicited Parenting Advice to Moms
When you get pregnant, the opinions start flooding in from everywhere.
“You'll never sleep through the night again.” (True, but you don't need to hear that yet).
“They're cute when they're little, but turn into teenage brats one day.” (Ah good to know that all teenagers are horrible. That gives me a lot of hope. Thanks!).
“Make sure you don't put the baby down once they're asleep or they'll never learn to sleep on their own.” (Good thing you know so much about child development…)
“Are you going to breastfeed? You should, it's the best way for a baby to eat.” (Great, so if I can't breastfeed or want to go back to work and bottle feed, I'm a bad mom. Thanks.)
“Make sure to not let your baby get away with things – then when they're older they'll run all over you!” (Right, because babies are trying to manipulate us.)
{Insert every woman's worst labor story here}. (As if you need to be any more worried about labor and delivery.)
“Wow, you look like you're about to pop!” (Gee, thanks. Let me comment on your weight gain, too.)
“You should punish him or he'll turn into a spoiled brat.” (Right, because you know my child better than I do. Thanks!)
“Enjoy every little moment with your child. It all goes by so fast! You'll miss it one day.” (Right, I'll miss peeing with an audience, never getting much sleep, and always having a dirty house.) It's okay to not enjoy every single moment!
Good grief! The thing is we all know there is no way to prepare for all that comes with parenthood – you have to walk through it and each family and child is unique and different – what works for one family doesn't necessarily work for another.
But for some reason, it's become culturally acceptable for people to throw out unsoliciated parenting advice and they make sure to tell you the WORST that's going to happen. They mean well, they're trying to help prepare you, but it's funny how they don't seem to remember the good things.
Don't Give Away Your Power
We can't necessarily stop people from saying rude things to us (though I have given shocked looks or flat out told people it's rude to comment on a woman's body!), but we can change how we let it affect us. If you are strong in your own opinion of yourself, other's opinions will much more easily slide off your back. Not that they won't still bother you, that's totally normal, but it'll hit and fall off quickly.
When we seek other people's opinions of our lives, we are handing them the power to control our emotions. You are telling them that what they think of you and your life is more important than what you think of your own life. They do not have to live with the consequences of your decisions – your life is not their's to live (and vice-versa!). So since they don't have to live the consequences of YOUR decisions, base your decisions and actions upon only what's best for you and your family. This is keeping your power!
Other People Aren't Walking In Your Shoes
They aren't walking in your shoes – they don't know all of the intricate details that lead up to your decisions. So why give their opinions of you more weight than your own? Essentially, none of us have a clue about how another person should be living their lives. We are only experts on ourselves.
Think about all of the things that make us who we are and affect our decisions and lifestyles. Our parents, our siblings, where we lived, what sort of house and community we grew up in, which schools we went to, childhood, friends, activities, hobbies, education, careers, romantic relationships – there are a million things all twisted together that make us who we are and no one but you understand all of them.
Your Opinion of You Can Only Be Changed by You
Ever noticed that no matter how many times your husband or partner tells you you're sexy, or beautiful, it doesn't make you feel more beautiful? That's because his opinion of you can't change your opinion of you, only you can do that. Once YOU feel beautiful, then his comments feel good. But you have to change how you feel about yourself first!
Your husband can't live your life for you. He can't make you eat healthy, exercise, drink lots of water, educate you, etc. And you can't do that for him. In other words, he is not living your life and you are not living his. Even though you're married, you have not become one person. One in spirit, yes, but you still both have separate lives. You have a collective purpose and each have an individual purpose. So your opinion of how to live your own life matters!
Once you feel confident to follow your own intuition and stand on that alone, other people's opinions of you will no longer have power over you. You can smile and nod and walk away.
We Assume Too Much
Oftentimes the opinions and expectations we are letting have power and control over us are ASSUMED. Think about it.
We might think someone is feeling a certain way only to find out that wasn't their opinion at all! Can you imagine basing your parenting style, or religious beliefs, or decisions on jobs, where to live, etc. based on what you assume someone might be thinking? It sounds crazy, right? But we do it all of the time. I know I have! This is another reason to not base anything on what we think someone else might think of us because we don't even know for sure if that's what they're thinking!
You Have Your Own Unique Purpose
And lastly, you have your own unique purpose and path. Your family has a collective purpose in addition to that, your spouse has his own unique purpose and you have a collective one as a couple. If you base decisions upon what you think someone else might be thinking of you, you are now driving out of your lane. You start drifting into other people's lanes and follow them. That's when we feel unsatisfied, lost, and lose our spark, and get in accidents! There is a purpose that only you can fill – it'd be a shame for that purpose to go unfilled because you were chasing someone else's dream!
How to Care Only About Your Opinion? Learn to Trust Yourself
Do you see now how you're the best person to trust for making decisions for you life? Especially as moms, we are created to have a strong motherly instinct. Truly trust that each mother knows best for her own child and support her along the way to go down her own path. It's arrogant to think that we know better for someone else. They are on their own journey living their own purpose!
So learn to trust that motherly instinct you have for your children. You truly do know best for them. Where we mess up is when we start letting other people's opinions, advice and societal pressures of what it means to be a woman, a wife and a mom take over.
How to Trust Your Own Intuition
That still, small voice that speaks to you is your intuition – some call it the Holy Spirit or God speaking to you. Whatever you want to call it doesn't really matter, what's important is to learn to first hear and recognize that whisper, and then act on it. If you stop acting on it, the voice will go silent!
You can hear this voice more clearly during times of quiet, prayer, meditation, out in nature, and while journaling. Invest the time that you need to invest in doing activities that connect you to God, that connect you to that powerful life force that's within you. Then you will hear the only opinion that matters.
The more you practice listening to your intuition and acting on it, the more it will become second nature.
